Questions to Ask Yourself After a Breakup!
Breakup got you feeling confused? Don’t know how to move forward?
You’re not alone.
Breakups are hard, and they can leave you feeling lost and confused. It’s difficult to know what to do next, especially if you’re unsure who was at fault or why the relationship ended. But don’t let the break up break you!
Oftentimes there are a lot of unanswered questions. But these questions have very little to do with the other person. These questions are all about you.
…What did I miss? … What attracted me to him?
…Did I change? … Did he change?
One of the best things you can do after a breakup is to take some time and reflect on your relationship. There are five questions you should ask yourself following a breakup. These five questions are designed to help you examine yourself, your life, and your lessons. Here are 5 questions to ask after every breakup!
What are some of the things you missed about the relationship while it was happening?
Love can be blinding. It can dull our senses. It is only when the relationship ends that we realize we missed some stuff. You turned a blind eye to the fact that he talked badly about his mom or his ex, and you convinced yourself that he just needed love – your love. Or maybe he was constantly late, but you told yourself that it was just because he was busy working on his career. We do this all the time in love – we try to convince ourselves that things are different than they actually are. We want things to work out so much that sometimes we refuse to see the truth. The good news is that now that the relationship is over, you have a chance to look at things more clearly and honestly. What do you wish you had seen? What would help prevent a situation like this from happening again?
Do you recognize any of the ‘red flags’ now?
In hindsight, we can see all sorts of things that were going on in the relationship that we somehow managed to see past while it was happening. What were some of those things?
What attracted you to your partner in the first place? What are your love patterns?
We all have love patterns. We think we have a “type,” but what we have is a pattern. This pattern can be based on someone we dated or something that happened to us when we were younger. Our patterns are often based on what we learned about love from our parents. One of the best things you can do for yourself is to recognize your love pattern so you can decide what patterns are healthy and which ones to avoid.
Did he remind you of an ex? Was he tall, dark and handsome? Did he have a great job and a nice home?
Think about the qualities that attracted you in the first place? Was he charming? Funny? Do you know the type of man you are attracted to? Some women are attracted to the “bad boy .”In reality, they have a love pattern of aggressive, narcissistic, or even violent men. Some women are drawn to emotionally unavailable men because of a relationship they had as a child or something that happened during their adolescence. What is your love pattern? What type of man do you find yourself falling for again and again?
Did you or your partner change during the relationship, and if so, how did that affect it?
Did you find yourself changing or compromising your standards for him? Did he change, but you didn’t notice because love made you see things the way he wanted them to be? Did you both change? Why did it end? Was there a point in the relationship where one of you changed, and it affected the dynamic between each other? Did one of you change jobs, which caused a shift in the relationship? Did someone move to a new state, and the distance became an issue? Did he go through the loss of a parent that changed his emotional trajectory? Change doesn’t always mean it was someone’s fault. But relationship change can be a red flag if you are not communicating about it or one person feels like they are being put second.
Did he start cheating? Did your business take off, leaving no time for him? Be honest about what changed about you, more than what changed about him.
What went wrong in the relationship? What part did you play?
Although a breakup can be a mutual decision, it’s crucial to examine whether or not you could have prevented it from happening. Did he end things because he was falling out of love with you? Did you fall in love with someone else? Or was it because you became unhappy and couldn’t communicate your feelings? Did you just decide you no longer wanted this relationship?
It’s never easy to see a breakup coming. We all want to believe that our partner is happy and will commit to us, just as we commit to them, but sometimes these things don’t happen. That doesn’t mean it’s your fault. But sometimes it is. Maybe you weren’t communicative enough about the problems you were having within the relationship, or maybe you seemed too happy on the outside, leading him to believe he didn’t need to worry whether or not your feelings had changed. No matter how painful it is, taking responsibility for the breakup is the only way to move forward, so be honest with yourself about what you could have done differently.
How will this breakup change you?
This is about the lessons you learned from this experience. How will you be a different person going forward? What did you learn about yourself from this breakup? Breakups are life lessons, so take the time to write down all of the ways that it’s changed you.
What new things do you want in a relationship?
Before you even begin to date again, think about what it is that makes a relationship work. Do you know the type of person you want to date? Is there anything new you want in your next relationship? Maybe you don’t need someone who is so emotionally unavailable or has such a busy job, for example. Or maybe you want someone who loves to travel and explore new adventures instead of the guy who is the proverbial couch potato.
This is about looking at what you didn’t like in the last relationship or the things you know you want more of. This is also about setting healthy boundaries for yourself. It’s about knowing you and what makes you happy inside a happy relationship.
There really isn’t an end to any love relationship. There’s a pause button.
That pause just means “to be continued”. When a relationship is over, it means that person’s part of your story is over and he had made room for a new leading man. Your job is to make sure you remain the leading lady in your own life. Your job is to do the work of growing and loving. Don’t be angry. Don’t be bitter. And don’t let the breakup, break you!
We don’t get to teach people how to love us. We get to see how they love and then decide whether or not to accept the offer. My job is to help you understand the offer.
My name is Coach Andrea Oden and I am your Breakup Coach!