The Selection Process of Love!
So you’re single. Congratulations! You have now joined the ranks of some of the most successful and interesting people on the planet. How do I know this? Because being selective in dating is one of the most brilliant things a woman can do for herself. It’s not about sitting at home and waiting for someone to come along; it’s about getting out there and meeting new people, enjoying your life, and being open to new possibilities. In this blog post, we’ll discuss why it’s essential to be selective in dating, and we’ll give you some tips on how to get started!
Being Chosen
Women are taught to be “chosen” early into the love journey. Society tells us that we need to find a man and then wait for him to “pick” us. For most of us in high school, a friend comes screaming with excitement, “Girl, guess who likes you.” And as long as it’s not that gross “pee-pee boy,” we are flattered at being chosen. And it doesn’t stop there. We wait to be chosen for promotions at work. We wait to be chosen in other areas of life. Throughout life, we continue to wait to be chosen and what being chosen teaches us is how not to be selective.
Now let’s be clear, there’s nothing wrong with being chosen. Women were created to be adored and well cared for. It’s an honor when a man sees love in us. The challenge we face is lowering our standards or going against our values because a man chose us. We forgo the selection process and start trying to fit into the mold of the man who chose us.
Why should we be selective?
My granny had a famous saying, “Every pot has a lid, but just because you’re a lid doesn’t mean you fit every pot.”
For the last several weeks, I’ve been teaching a Breakup Masterclass, and the women and I have been exploring this theory. We’ve explored the possibility that we are not selective enough AFTER we’ve been chosen. We’ve all fallen into the trap of being chosen by the perfect man. You know, the kind who is good-looking, prosperous, and serves at church faithfully. He’s got it all together.
Well, consider Abraham in the bible. The bible calls him the father of our faith. Abraham was an upright man who honored God. His example of faithfulness is what we look to when it comes to receiving God’s promises. He was prosperous and the man God promised to bless.
Yet, he was not the right man for Hagar. Abraham on paper (pardon the pun) looked great. Out of all the men in the world, God chose Abraham. (Genesis 12:1-3)
Abraham was clearly a great man, and yet, he was not the right man for Hagar.
Hagar was his servant. She was chosen to be a surrogate for Abraham and Sarah because they could not have children. Hagar was chosen to be Abraham’s wife and to give him a son. (Genesis 16:1-3) One would think she’d snagged the perfect man and that man would adore her because she was the woman who gave him what he longed for. But that’s not what happened at all. In fact, in the end, this faith-filled husband sent her and her son away one day with nothing more than lunch and water. (Genesis 21:14).
You see, being chosen is not enough. Hagar was chosen. Just because a man chooses you does not mean he’s the right man for you. Just because he has a six or seven-figure salary and checks all the boxes on the world’s survey list of a good man doesn’t make him the man for you. It doesn’t mean you’re the lid for his pot.
You are a beautiful woman. There will be many men who will find you attractive. You will have many men choose you. Once you’ve been chosen, it’s your job to understand the selection process. You have to be very selective in who you allow into your life and into your story.
Begin the Selection Process
Pray and ask God to give you wisdom on the kind of man he created for you. Ask God to heal you from any brokenness and unhealed residue from your past. Then ask him to prepare you to receive the man he has for you.
Get specific in your prayer. When you pray, believe that God will answer your prayer and be ready to receive his best.
Be patient as you wait on the Lord to reveal the man he has for you. And trust that God’s timing is perfect!
Once God begins to reveal things to you, write them down. Get a journal or create a document on your computer and title it “The Man God Has For Me.”
Start with the character traits you desire. List his values and spiritual attributed. Then list the physical attributes, and anything else that is important to you.
Be as specific as possible! The more specific you are, the easier it will be for God to bring the man he has for you across your path.
And finally, don’t settle! When you know what you want, and you know who God has for you, don’t settle for anything less!
I’ll say it again, “Every pot has a lid, but just because you’re a lid doesn’t mean you fit every pot.”
You are a beautifully designed and highly valuable lid, but you don’t have to try and fit every pot. You were created to fit a very specific pot. Be selective and wait for the man God has for you. He’s worth the wait!
If you’re struggling to get over a breakup or have unanswered questions about the kind of man you need, grab a copy of the Breakup Journal. This guided journal will help you identify your relationship patterns, break the cycle of unhealthy relationships, and attract the kind of love you deserve!
I hope this blog post has been helpful. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to reach out to me on Social Media, I’d love to hear from you.
Your sister in the love journey,
Andrea O.